How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
