just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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