then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
