Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
