Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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