thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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