Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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