I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
