omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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