i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
