My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You can't motorboat a personality
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
