I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
