my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
