3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
