I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
