To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
