what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
