you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
