don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
