i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
