Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
