I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
