theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
