Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
