After last night, I could never be a politician.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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