I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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