oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
