If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
