can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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