Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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