I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
