There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
