Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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