Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
