I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
