just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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