I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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