I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
two words: eviction party
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
