omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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