Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
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The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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