Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
