Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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