Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
