Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
