just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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