How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
