There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
