No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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