Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
