You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
