i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
