Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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