i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
