So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
