Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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