Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
