ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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