you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
