sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
