She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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