He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dignity is for republicans.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
