Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
