do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
