I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
