i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
