1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she looked like the before picture.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
