This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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