you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
