We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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