I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Houston, we have a squirter
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize