I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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