I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
