that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
why do cheetos always look like penises
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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